Tag Archives: Anusara

Will you listen to yourself???

Posted on by Justin

 

Before:after

“Let’s listen and bring our voices together with three, sweet oms”, my teacher says.

The students, one by one, begin chiming in with their voices to produce the sound on an “om”. It starts out so sweetly and innocent.
And, then out of nowhere, you start to hear, “aaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHH”. This sound will seek out a grown persons spinal cord, and your body starts to twitch as a result.
I always sit in the very front, so this off key “om” hits the back of my head and engulfs my body like Santa Ana winds.

“WHOOOSH!!”

Of course, the first thing I say to myself is, “What the fuck is wrong with this girl? Is she tone deaf? In the room of elephants, does she NOT know she’s the pink one??” I usually roll my eyes to myself and try to clear this irritation from my mind, and pray that the end of the “Oming” comes soon. I also quickly realize that I’m in a yoga studio and it’s not nice have asshole thoughts while I’m on my mat.
She needs to LISTEN! Listen to herself and the people around her.

Listening is a skill, I believe. And, I’m still learning. I posted a side by side picture recently on my facebook page. It was a picture of me with a black eye, next to a picture of me recently, smiling. The one with the black eye was when I was in my slightly abusive relationship and before yoga. The other was post yoga, full of happiness, and maybe a little vodka. :-)
Right after I posted that picture, I was flooded with comments and support. I also received a few private messages from people telling me that they are/were in similar situations. They reached out for help, an ear.  And, I was more than happy to oblige. I know what it’s like to be not happy in your life and not know what to do. Actually, I did know what to do. I just didn’t have the courage to do it.

Looking back on that whole experience, I can honestly say that I had absolutely no business being in a relationship at that time.
Period.
I wasn’t happy in general, at that point in my life. I especially had no business moving to another city to be with someone who constantly put me down, and made me anxious. No business. It’s because I wasn’t listening to myself, my gut. We all know when something isn’t right in our lives. A lot of times we may perk up, take notice, but ultimately fall short on taking action. If you want to change your situation, changing your way of thinking is a great start. Listening to yourself would be step one.

“Why am I so unhappy? Why do I hate my job? Why does my mate make me want to vomit from anger?” 

For the longest time, my life was just in chaos, a true mess. Until I found my yoga practice, I had no idea that my life could harmonize with the world around me. I had no idea that I could be happy. Did you know this??
Since I started yoga three years ago, I’ve been able to find clarity in many things that were hazy for a long time.  But the trick is that you have to listen and recognize what is making you unhappy or stressed.

I think a lot of us tend to put up with certain things because we think that they can’t be changed. And, a lot of times that may be the case.
However, you do have control over one thing…yourself.  You have the ability to make better choices, which help to improve your mental health.
When I finally realized that I wanted my life to change, I did the following:

1. Listened to myself and the people who cared about me
2. Made a list of goals for myself
3. Surrounded myself with good/positive people
4. Did a “friend cleanse” (I was tired of hanging around with assholes and negative folks)
5. Stayed focused by going to yoga (yoga might not be your thing, so find something that keeps you steady)

This WORKS!

I truly believe that once you rid yourself of the crap in your life and stay focused, good things will come.
With that being said, you have listen to yourself and recognize the “crap” that is causing your problems.

Your happiness is worth more than anything. Take care of yourself and make a change.

Most days you can find me on my yoga, at the studio. And, PLEASE, listen to yourself when you’re “Oming”.
The voices are supposed to become one.
If this is a problem for you, let me know ahead of time.

I’ll bring you a bucket so you can carry a tune!

Good Yogis don’t wish their neighbors an early demise.

Posted on by Justin

 

So, I’m getting the hell out of here!

My first apartment in Los Angeles, from 2004-2008, was a great place that is located on Crescent Heights, in West Hollywood. It was fun, beautiful, neighbors were nice, convenient, close to work, perfect. I moved to Las Vegas with my partner at the time, and lived there for 2.5yrs. After my breakup in June of 2010, I stayed in Vegas for 6 more months before moving back to Los Angeles. I started searching for places in LA around November, 2010, when I received a phone call from my friend and old neighbor.

“Dude, your old apartment became available again! You should call the management company and find out what the rent will be.”
So, I called them. I felt a little nauseous after they told me that the rent was $400 more than what I was paying before. But, at that point, I just want out of Las Vegas, leaving my ex and a lot of bad memories behind. In addition to that, I was literally moving back “home.” Despite the rent increase, moving back into my old place was very comforting among all the chaos.
December was a crazy month. My mom had just died, I got laid off from work, AND I was moving. I would have probably paid $500 more in rent to ensure my comfort.

I’ve currently been here one year and nine months. After the first six months, I started to remember some of the things that annoyed me about this apartment complex. I live in a 25 unit building, shaped like a “U”, with a pool in the middle. It had a lot of esthetic value, but this place began to become my personal hell. The neighbors are fucking crazy!!!

This place is nicknamed “Melrose Place” because of all the drama that happens here. Neighbors sleeping with each other, cops are called on a regular basis, late night skinny dipping (which these people had NO business being naked in public). I would not be surprised if someone ended up drowning in the pool.

I usually keep to myself, but it’s hard when you are literally surrounded by people you can’t stand. And, with thin walls, it’s hard to get sleep, especially when your creepster neighbor has his TV against your bedroom wall. I’ve talked with him many times about the noise, and even called the cops on him a couple of times myself…but nothing changes. I cursed out the elderly couple upstairs because they said something to me that I didn’t like. Many times have I slept on the sofa,  just to get a decent night’s sleep. I would find myself feeling extremely anxious and resorted to taking Xanax on a regular basis. I would get SO wound up and filled with anger at the slightest hint of noise from either one of my surrounding neighbors.
I remember saying to myself, “Ya know, if my neighbors dropped dead right in front of me, I wouldn’t think twice about it. And, I’d probably would step right over them.”

Okay, as a yogi, I can tell you, that isn’t good.

My teacher once told me, “You can’t change others, you can only change yourself.”

Remembering that, I saved up money, found a place that was close by, and put my notice into my apartment complex. I moved at the end of the month, and I couldn’t be happier!
The new place is a street over, a cute space, great owners/management, they take pets, underground parking, has a pool, QUIET, rent controlled, AND it’s $240 cheaper than my current apartment. I CAN’T WAIT to get out of here.

I realized that I was happy in all other parts of my life, except in my home. The one place I should be happy.

I’m looking forward to my new apartment, a new chapter in my life. And, coming home, day after day, NOT wanting to strangle my neighbors.

 

New York, New York

Posted on by Justin

 

“I hate Cedars Sinai, I fucking hate Los Angeles, I just want to be back in New York! My flight was delayed due to weather last night. I only had four hours of sleep before having to come here today. The only reason I even bothered to show up was because I didn’t want you to give me another verbal warning like you did the last time. I’m in no mood to take care of patients today!”

I’m ninety-nine percent sure that those were my exact words to my supervisor, on my first day back to work. I had just got home from my first trip to New York City. It was a little fuzzy only because I was balling uncontrollably for about ten minutes in his office. I had my face in my hands, crying. I was crying like a little girl who’s brother had just ripped the head off of her barbie. And, the only reason my hands left my face was to curse and to tell him how much I hated where I was geographically.

It was really something.

Following the “Cry me a river” meeting, my boss sent me home.  I couldn’t have been there for more than thirty minutes.

To say that my first trip to Manhattan/New York was amazing, would be a bit of an understatement. It’s still hard for me to find the right words to describe my six days there. I’ve always heard how great the city was for years, but never had a huge desire to go. Once I finally got there, I got it. I just got it.
The friend who I was visiting was an incredible host. He was able to spend every day with me while I was on my vacation, from morning until night. He lives in the East Village, which was so cool. I didn’t want to do a lot of touristy crap. I wanted my friend to show me HIS New York. Here are some of the memorable highlights:

1. Spent the first day basically restaurant and pub hopping. We were drunk most of the time.
2. Times Square
3. Assisted my friend while he did makeup on the Tranny who got kicked off of America’s Next Top Model.
4. Took the subway, a choo choo train, a bus, and a ferry in order to get to Fire Island.
5. Running running hand in hand through the sand, drunk, from one part of island to the other, at 3am. (We had just left from watching a bad drag show)
6. Falling off a peer and scraping the shit out of my leg on the island.
7. Eating a dessert that you would step over your own mother to get.
8. Holding hands with my friend and running around the city.
9. Going to the Central Park Zoo
10. Seeing a broadway show (Peter and The Starcatcher)
11. My friend agreeing to take a yoga class from an amazing teacher I know in Brooklyn.
12. Seeing The Stonewall Inn
13. Seeing Carrie Bradshaw’s apt
14. And, on my last day…my friend showing me The Statue of Liberty on his computer because we ran out of time to see it in person.

 

I never realized it before, but by comparison, Los Angeles is really boring. Everyone has the same car, wears the same brand name clothes, and strives to be buff and beautiful. Yes, New York loves its fashion, too.  But, for the most part, everyone wants to be unique individuals. I also found it easier to strike up conversations with people in NY. People just love talking in that city, which is the opposite here in LA; no one wants to know anyone.

I met/saw more interesting people in six days than I had in a long time on the west coast. It was incredible, and very inspiring.
Naturally, halfway through my vacation, I asked myself, “What the hell am I doing in Los Angeles?? How and when can I move here?” I truly fell in love with the city and I am looking forward to my next trip out there.

I also realize that I was on vacation. I’m not walking around in the snow in the winter, and sweating profusely in the summer. I’m not hauling groceries up three flights of stairs or paying an outrageous amount for rent. I was completely free of responsibilities and it felt amazing. It wasn’t my every day reality.  But, it’s nice to escape every now and then.

 

For now, LA is my home, my reality.  My dog, cat, amazing friends, and yoga kula are here. LA is a great city;  you just have to see through all of its bullshit to really appreciate it. And, I can. :-)

And who knows, I may move to NYC one of these days. And, if not, I will always remember the incredible experiences I had during my first time there. The first, of many times to come.

Thanks for everything, C.

XOXO.

 

PS- If you’re ever out that way, check out Julie Dohrman’s classes at VIRAYOGA, in the city. She also teaches at Bend And Bloom in Brooklyn. You won’t regret it!

And, you can grab that Prune/mascarpone cheese dessert at Frankies 570 on Hudson St in Manhattan. You’ll DIE!

I realize this post wasn’t very “yoga-ish.” But, ehhh…it is what it is. There were also way too many moments during my trip to write down or to put into words. And, I don’t know…most of the specials ones, in my mind, are just for me. :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Me? A Yoga Teacher? F**k That!”

Posted on by Justin

 

 

I’ve only been practicing yoga for two years now, this past April. I may have had countless hours on my mat, own a Shiva Nataraja murti, and listen to “yoga music” on the regular, but I still consider myself a newbie when it comes to yoga. Just when i think I know a pose thoroughly, my teachers always have a way of making me feel it like I never have before. There are always revisions or tweaks to everything.

 

It’s a very humbling experience when you think you know something, but then quickly realize that you know nothing all.


I am a very good student. I follow instructions very well, I am very dedicated. I’m always wanting to know more. If anyone were to watch me in class, I would probably  be staring at my teacher in awe and admiration. Much like a five year old would gawk at an animated Pixar film.

Many people of my friends have asked me, “Why don’t you just become a yoga instructor?” Karen, my teacher in Las Vegas, was even making me keep track of my studio hours just in case I decide to teach one day. As flattering as it is for people to think of my practice in that way…nothing sounds more disgusting to me.

There’s something to be said to just being a student. As a student, I get the full benefits of yoga. Every day I am able to walk into class and be inspired, get plenty of exercise, have an amazing savasana, and leave completely blissed out.  I think to myself, “All of this was for me.” Why would I want to change that?

As a teacher, my experience with my practice and yoga would change completely. It would force me think about things like:

1. Do I have enough students in the class so I can make “X” amount of money?
2. Would I be financially stable as a Yoga teacher?
3. I’m limited in what I can do in class because there are so many new people.
4. When can I make time for my own practice?
5. I would feel responsible for people if they got injured in class.
6. I’d have to hear about teachers sleeping with their students or other colleagues.

I’m not interested in ANY of it.

Some teachers can do this effortlessly, but I know it takes a lot of work. I am grateful for the teachers who can accomplish this. Without them, I wouldn’t be in class. You have to have that “something” in order to teach yoga. Well, I have come across teachers who don’t have this “thing” about them. But, you won’t see me in any of their classes. :-)

There is so much more to yoga than just downward dog and warrior two poses. After two years, I feel like I’m just beginning to scratch the surface of what yoga really is all about. How could I try to teach others something that I don’t even completely understand? It doesn’t seem right. I don’t feel comfortable teaching someone handstands when I can’t even stay up in the middle of the room more than ten seconds.

I go to class three or four days a week to be inspired, to grow emotionally and physically. And, I want that feeling every time I’m in the studio. Being a teacher, I feel, would take all away from me. I wouldn’t be fun anymore.
Having fun is one thing that I’m interested in doing.

I’m so thankful that I have teachers who inspire me everyday.
I’m a damn good student. But, me, a yoga teacher?

F**k that!

 

 

What Is Meditation About Anyway?

Posted on by Justin

 

MEDITATION: any form of a family of practice in which practitioners train their minds or self-induce a mode of consciousness to realize some benefit. Meditation is generally an inward oriented, personal practice which individuals do by themselves.

I’m just NOW getting to the point to where I’m saying to myself, “Maybe I should consider meditating.” I have been progressing rather nicely in the physical aspect of yoga, the asana. But after two years of yoga, I feel like I’ve been dragging in the philosophy and spirituality department. I think when I first started, I was really just trying to focus on the poses themselves. And plus, considering myself Agnostic, I wasn’t trying to hear about Gods that resembled Elephants. As far as I was concerned, there should be a separation between Spirituality and yoga mat. :-) Naturally, I found that the two were always connected in some way, and there was no way around it. You ultimately can’t have one without the other. I mean, I guess you could, but it would be rather boring.

I’d say things like, “You want me to do what? Sit for at least 30 minutes and listen to..myself? Nah, I’m good.” For someone who has to take a Xanax to fall asleep sometimes because his mind is racing; this did not sound sexy at all! I thought of it as a waste of time because I never thought I would ever be able to relax and just…be. You know, like the Calvin Klein ads. But I tried it a few times and I was quite shocked as to what I discovered.

The last couple of times that I meditated (as is my understanding), I laid on my back. This is not a very traditional position when meditating. But, not very traditional either, so…I did what I thought would be beneficial for me. I typically make my bed, lay down with my head towards to the foot, closest to my Nataraja. Yes, my Nataraja! I’ve come a long way! Then, I put on my “Yoga Mix”, and quieted my mind. Surprisingly, I’m able to block the sounds from my annoying neighbor, the street traffic, and my cat scratching in the litter box. And, then it’s just me.

I’ve heard of crazy things happening during meditations. It’s one thing to hear stories, but it’s another to experience them. The last two times that I’ve mediated, I was in and out of consciousness. I wasn’t asleep, though. It was something else. And, I swear to you, I felt like I was floating. Yes, floating. It was scary when I first experienced it, but comforting at the same time. If any of you have felt this, then you know what I’m talking about.

 

 

 

 

 

My most recent experience was just like the one prior…but with a twist. I was about halfway through my meditation, when something different happened. Shantala’s song, “Hanuman Chalisa,” came on, which is one of my favorite songs to hear when I’m meditating.  Shantala’s music is a type of Kirtan, and it’s just amazing. The entire song is in the Indian language and I have no idea what she is saying, but I know the song very well. Anyway, as she’s singing in Sanskrit, she then switches to English. And, for a short time, she is weaving back and forth from Sanskrit to English. But, somehow the lyrics made sense and all came together. It was a really interesting experience. I have heard that song many times, and that has never happened.

But, after the mediation was over, I felt amazing. I was able to connect to…myself. Which, if I understand correctly, is the sole purpose of meditating. Again, I’m still new to this whole thing, but I plan on continuing. I still have a lot of learn, but with some guidance from my friends and teachers, I’m sure I will get to experience the full effect one day.

 

If my recent experience was just a teaser…I can’t wait to see what’s next!

 

 

 

 

Finding Clarity…In Vegas??

Posted on by Justin

When people take trips to Las Vegas, they usually don’t remember most of it. And, if they do, they probably keep it to themselves. Binge drinking, meeting “professional women” on the strip and losing their entire paychecks in one weekend, are things that most people like to keep under wraps. There is a reason why Las Vegas has a slogan, ya know. But, my trips to Las Vegas are very different than most. I’m not too fond of the city itself, but the people I know there, are a different story. I go there to have coffee with friends, reflect, and do yoga.

I don’t need to lose money in Las Vegas. Los Angeles takes advantage of my bank account enough as it is. And, not as quickly.

I’ve come to the realization that the last few times I went to Vegas, was when I am really stressed and needed a “break.”  I did my taxes recently (which was disgusting), work has been stressing me out, and the drama within the Anusara community was confusing for me. And, I had been getting tension headaches because of all of this. So, away I went towards the desert.

I stayed with my friend, Tracie, and her family. She always opens her home up to me and knows why I go out there. She knows that I am there to see her, and she also understands that I’m there to find clarity with whatever I’m dealing with. I spent a lot of time with her over coffee, dinner and just hanging out. I took her and her husband to see the Cirque Du Soleil show, Zumanity, to show my appreciation. It was the least I could have done for them.

 

 

My main purpose of the trip was to get some insight from my teacher about the Anusara controversy. Where I stand, and where she stands.  After talking with her in class and at her house, I begin to realize that no matter what happens with Anusara itself, it shouldn’t affect me or my practice.  Yoga is always about the individual. You make it your own. If my teacher were to resign tomorrow, it would not change anything, nothing at all. No matter what she calls herself (Anusara, Ashtanga, etc.), I’d still be in her classes and follow her anywhere. The same goes for my teacher here in Los Angeles. I’ve already formed bonds with these people, and many with the other students as well. I love the style of yoga, yes. But, I love the people that I’ve met through it, more. It’s the people, and not so much the style, that keeps me coming back. It took many discussions over wine and cheese for me to understand this. But, I finally got it. 

Karen(my teacher) knew I had been struggling with various things recently. So, she got about six people from the Las Vegas kula together for wine, cheese, music and laughs. It was a real treat and just what I needed to cheer me up.  I’m not surprised. Most of my friends know what will cheer me up. I consider them my family. And, that’s what I got out of this trip. No matter what I’m going through, I remember that I have friends who are my family. And, that’s really all I need…to be surrounded by love and like minded people. I’m grateful for each and every one of them.

 

But, after four days of being in the desert, I was looking forward to geting back to Los Angeles. Las Vegas is full off dirt and it dried the crap out of my skin!

 

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Who are you proud of?

Posted on by Justin

I was in class today and some really sweet happened. Tony came up to me while I was in pose and said, “Great job, Justin. Very beautiful. You’re doing fantastic.” Or, something like that. I can’t quite remember his exact words because I started to melt and grin like an idiot. Tony is extremely encouraging and sweet to all of his students. But, today was little different. It felt like he was telling me, “I’m proud of you, Justin.” That is such an amazing feeling. It set my tone for the whole day.

After I received this compliment, I thought of Karen. Then, I realized something…I think of her a lot! With every move of my body, I could hear her saying, “Place your hands and go up. Flex your feet. Put and arch in your lower back. Shins in, thighs out.” By now, I’m sure you guys already know that this woman was a huge inspiration and mentor to me. She still is. Karen may be 4oo miles away, but I still care what she thinks about my yoga practice. I want her to see how her student is growing in strength, health and happiness. Without the proper foundation, things tend to waiver.  I try to stay steady in all aspects of my life to keep myself from falling over. So with every steady movement on the mat, it’s a dedication to her and to Tony. Without them, I wouldn’t be the happy, healthy, and sexy thing that you see today. ;-)  They have given me the knowledge to do great things with my life. And dammit, I intend to use it.

The Anusara community has given me a sense of purpose again. They have shown me more support and love than most of my family ever have. I’d rather be on my mat than sit with my relatives in Winnie, Tx…any day! I have met some amazing people over the last year and a half, and they have taught me quite a bit. The least I can do is get into these poses and hold them for a few breaths. When my mentors take notice of my progress, it’s a big deal to me. It means that my countless downward dogs and forward folds meant something. It makes me feel proud.

It’s difficult transforming a skinny, depressed guy – into a toned, smiling machine. And, for that, I’m proud of them!

 

HOLY SHI–VA!

Posted on by Justin

A couple of awesome things are going on today (11/14/11). First, I’m going to pick up my Nataraja murti this evening from one of the most well known Philosophers and teacher of the tantric practice. Manoj Chalam is the main go to person in the Anusara community for statues/murtis. He’s been traveling around with John Friend lately giving talks to students. I’ve been chatting with him recently and he’s stopping in LA just for tonight and tomorrow before he heads east. He’s also bringing three, 14″ Nataraja murtis with him for me to choose from. Oh man, I’ve become one of “those yoga people”. It was bound to happen.  I feel like I’m going on a first date or something. I’m all nervous and antsy. LOL. Of course, this cup of cappuccino doesn’t really help. I drank this over an hour ago and I seriously feel as though I could start flapping my arms, and take flight. OH, AND…I got a new follower on my blog! YES! Someone I don’t actually know. That makes me super happy! Hopefully, I can calm down a bit before I get this murti. I don’t want this amazing philosopher to think that I’m on angel dust!  I’ll be right back to give you scoop!

(Fast Forward to the next morning (11/15/11). Now, I’m telling the story from the next day because I didn’t have time to finish it last night.)

He’s PERFECT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met Manoj at his hotel, in the lobby. He opened a box and pulled out three murtis; a 9″, 14″, and 16″ one. I had my heart set on the 14″ Shiva because of price and size. But, when he set the 16″ murti on the table, I didn’t see the others. This one was mine. He began to describe the meaning of the curves, points and shape of the murti. I started tearing up! WTF??? I swear I can cry much easier these days. It’s a little ridiculous. However, I knew instantly that this was the one I been searching for. Coincidentally, this is the one he originally “chose” for me before I had even met him. It’s funny how things like that happen. He’s the sweetest man in my life right now. I only allow sweet people in my life. If some other guy wants to step up and be with me…

Be warned:

You have fierce competition! Lol

I don’t think people like being unhappy…they just don’t know what else to do.”

Posted on by Justin

 

I just got back from a three day trip to Vegas. Three days of fun and excitement. Vegas fun to most is hitting the strip, gambling and all that touristy crap. My idea of fun was following my yoga teacher to her classes and pounding out 7hrs of yoga. I know, it sounds disgusting. Believe me, everyone one of my muscles have come out to say hi to me. I could literally stay in bed for another day to rest up. This must be how God felt when he created the heavens and the earth. His ass must have been tired too! But, it wasn’t ALL work. I hung out with a girlfriend of mine, and her family. I even got to see “O”  while sitting up by the light booth at the theatre, which was amazing!

Karen and I were chatting about our own personal problems with negative people. She said, “Ya know, I don’t think people like being unhappy…they just don’t know what else to do. They may not know how to change.” Of course, my ex and some of my family came up in this conversation. It is a real shame that you can’t pick your family. If that was the case, I would have exchanged most of them a long time ago. MOST, not ALL. I would have picked people who:

  • were less conservative
  • didn’t escort people out of the room when they started crying or got upset. People have emotions, let them express themselves. Sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable or embarrasses you.
  • didn’t drink white Zinfandel out of a box during Thanksgiving
  • …actually, anyone who ISN’T from Texas will do
I love my dad. But, at the same time, he can be the most frustrating person I have ever met. We went bass fishing from the time I was a small kid until I was an adult. I moved out of town in my early twenties. We were able to connect that way because that’s what he knew.  Don’t get me wrong, he loves me very much and is proud of me, but that’s our connection. Fishing, and him always asking me, “How’s work?” and “How’s your car doing?”  Otherwise he, along with most of my family, don’t really know me. It’s really a shame. The famous saying around our house growing up was, “Let me show you how to do it!” My mother, sister and I were so SICK of that phrase that we just made a joke of it. Basically, my dad would give us chores to do around the house. And about five minutes after we started these chores, my dad would come back and check our work. He would then proceed to tell us that we weren’t doing it right.  I should make straighter lines while cutting the grass in the back yard. My sister wasn’t folding the clothes correctly. And, there was always something he could change to make it “better.”
There was one particular incident that I will always remember. My dad had asked me to get a damp rag so he could wipe something up off the floor. I was kid of 8 or 10…maybe. So, I wet a rag in the sink and brought it to him. It clearly wasn’t to his liking when he said, “This isn’t damp, this is WET!”, while ringing the rag over my head. I remember the water hitting my head and face and how it made me feel…like shit. My ex was like this too. Only thinner and a lot younger.
Every idea or suggestion I had for…whatever, was changed or altered.  I would say, “Hey, what about this…?”, to which he would reply, “Umm…yeah, that’s okay. But, this makes more sense…” He did this ALL the time.  When someone is constantly saying these things to you, it  not only pisses you off; it wears down your self confidence and makes you question everything you do.
I really loved my ex and I still love my dad dearly. But, they really pissed me off!
Karen and I were talking about all of this and she made me realize…I can’t be too upset with them. Someone TAUGHT them this behavior. They weren’t born with it. I was at a weekend workshop with John Friend along with a few hundred other people earlier this year. He said a couple of things that really struck me.
  • “You can forgive, but that doesn’t mean forget.” He meant that you have to be able to forgive people. But if you forget what they did that was wrong, you could possible allow someone else to do the same to you. Forgive, but take care of yourself at the same time.
  • “It’s easy to wish someone well that you love and care about. But, it’s a lot harder to wish someone well who has harmed you in some way.”  While in savasana surrounded by 250 other people, holding my friend’s hand and crying…I forgave my ex. And, I do wish him well.
Every once in a blue moon, I’ll listen to the words that come out of my mouth when I’m angry.  And, it’s my dad; it is really disturbing.  So, I try to surround myself with great people who care about me all the time.  My dad is not a bad person. He just lived a much different life than I did growing up and it’s extremely hard for him to relate.
Negative people are becoming less of an issue for me  because I just won’t tolerate their bullshit anymore. I just got rid of a friend of mine who I’ve known for quite some time. I still love her, but I don’t love her attitude. I just got tired of it and sent her ass packin’. My yoga practice and my good friends helped to realize that I don’t have to put up with certain types of behavior. I refuse to put up with it. Once I finally got that…nothing but good things have come into my life.
I see a lot of people who are struggling with issues like this. Hopefully they will find their way.
God, that wasn’t as funny as the last posts. Lol. But, sometimes you can’t get to one place without going through another.