D.C. Birthday…Round 2

 

So, I’m going to Washington D.C. for my birthday in a week and staying for four days. I’ve been to D.C. about 5 or 6 times because my ex was living there when I met him online 3yrs ago. I was in LA at the time. We had an online romance which turned into phone calls, visits, moving to Las Vegas together, buying cats, buying horses, matching mini coopers, owning a house, loving, fighting, breaking up numerous times, police involvement and THANK GOD THAT IS OVER! Oh…I’m sorry.

 

Despite all the crap that happened with the ex and me, I always enjoyed going to visit him in D.C. There is a lot of history and beauty within that city. This will be the first trip back to the city without him. And, almost 2yrs to the day since I have been there. During my prior visits, I acquired a friend in the process, Dell. We always stayed in contact during and even after the breakup. I got him in the divorce. :-) I still consider him a great friend to me. Very sweet, funny, eccentric and an overall good person. Just like all my friends. So I’m super excited to see him and meet his partner of 2yrs, Sam.

 

 

The last time I was out there, I was turning 30. And, I have to say, it was probably one of the crappiest birthdays that I can remember. My ex and I flew out there to see his friends and to celebrate. Which ultimately led to: Him seeing his friends, making the trip about him, and us getting into a fight.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Dell and Sam are super excited that I’m coming to visit; as they should be. ;-) And, I’m really excited to get out of L.A. for a minute and reconnect with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. Dell says he plans on showing me the parts of D.C. that I haven’t seen before, and making this birthday experience UH-MAZING for me. This time ’round HAS to be better, right?  I was going to try and take a yoga class while I was out there, but I have a feeling I’ll be liquored up most of the time. So, we’ll see.  Some time away from L.A., work, and my kids will do me good.

I’m not saying that scooping litter during my birthday isn’t important…but a guy needs a break sometimes. Damn!

I’m sure this will be a birthday to remember.

Dell, Sam – I can’t wait to see you.

 

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I spoke to my ex the other day…

 

In all honesty…I was going to document all of these life changing experiences that I have had over the past year and a half. I was going to go into explicit detail about my bad relationship, among other things. About how we never got along, he’s such a bad person, etc…About how I was a battered victim, but ultimately clawed my way back to salvation! Well, most of that is true. And, the other part of it? It was spite. I wanted everyone to know how inspiring I thought my story was, and was hopefully going to inspire others. But, why do anything if there isn’t good intentions behind it? So, all the little details about my relationship ultimately aren’t important. The important thing is that I learned from them.

I spoke to my ex the other day. It would have been one year and two months almost to the day since I talked to him. I’m not sure WHY I did it. I was in my apartment, hanging out with my kids and thought, “It’s time. I need to contact him.”. So I did.  I sent him a text saying, “Hi. You’ve crossed my mind recently and I wanted to see how you were doing. :-) ” Not a MINUTE later…he called me. And, we talked for 3.5hrs. We went over unanswered questions, caught up on each others lives, said a few apologies, and even cried a little. It was…nice. I had heard he tried to contact several months later me after we split up via email. But, I never got any emails from him because I had blocked his email address. And, I had heard that he basically wanted to apologize and wish me well. But, I never believed that. I always assumed there was always going to be an underlying jab right after his “sincere apology”, and wasn’t interested in hearing it. I reminded him of the email and he quickly found it in his archives.  He asked if he could read it to me. Considering that our conversation was going quite well so far…I let him read it. And, I have to say…it was NOT what I had expected. It was sincere, thoughtful, and heartfelt. Right after he finished reading it, I sat up from lying on the bed and began to cough. And, I actually started gagging as if I was going to vomit. It was so unexpected that I was just shocked. I had a rush of all of these emotions that I wasn’t sure what do to with. I then realized… I had been having ill feelings for this person for such a long time when I didn’t have to.  They were hindering my emotional growth. People can surprise you, and I got surprised that night.

After we ended the conversation, I went to bed very happy. I finally just let all of my bad feeling towards him go. I did, in some ways, miss him. I’m glad I got to tell him how I felt without either of us shouting at each other. I was glad to know he was doing well. And, we both made sure the other knew that dispite what happened between us…we still care for each other to some degree, and probably always will. You can’t forget 2.5yrs of memories just like that. It wasn’t all bad. But, there’s reasons why we aren’t together anymore. The only thing to do now is to move forward.

Harboring bad feelings for someone sucks. And, doing things out of spite to people is wrong. I should know better (Bad Yogi. BAD BAD YOGI). And, I truly didn’t realize I was doing it until that night. Yeah, I could go into more detail about all the problems we had and who said what to who.

But, what does it matter if it’s in the past?  Letting go takes less energy and you tend to smile more. :-D

PYT

Starting over…

When my ex FINALLY moved out, I felt…incredibly alone. My partner of 2.5yrs was gone, along with half of the furniture. I had a quiet, half empty house with two animals looking at me as if to say, “So, now what?”. I was about three weeks into my 30 day challenge at this point. I started following Karen to the studio a couple of evenings a week as well. I also picked up an extra day at work. I basically immersed myself in things that would keep me hella busy and focused.

And so my recovery began. Between the gym, the studio, and a couple of privates a week…I was doing about 9-10 sessions of yoga.  Let’s just say that I was never bored.  If any of you have ever lived in Las Vegas or know what life is like OFF the strip; then you know what I’m talking about. Everyone keeps to themselves and it is really hard to meet people. I never considered the city my home, and had nothing but bad things to say about it. That is, until my ex and I split up. After my 30 day challenge was over and successful(thank you very much), I started going to the Anusara studio exclusively. Those people became the family and support I needed during my transition of being single again. My ex knocked me down and they were there to pull me up. It was pretty amazing! My teacher would say, “Man, he’s kept you from us for a long time! You should have got rid of him sooner!” After that, I knew that this yoga community was my “home.” The MINUTE I walked in the studio for the first time, I was embraced with open arms and lots of smiles. What else could I do but smile back? :-)

I knew this was my path. And, I was having way too much fun learning crazy ass poses. So, I tossed my “gym mat” and bought a black Manduka mat. That mat and I have been through a lot together. Countless downward dogs, handstands, hand balances, forward folds, and even some crying. I’ve also had my share of stumbles and falls. But when that happens, I smile…and get right back up.