Let’s just say that the word “Turbulent” is an understatement when it comes to my last relationship. I didn’t “walk into the punches”. Hell, I tried to outrun them, along with the ridicule and other verbal abuse. I happened to do some research on Sociopaths and was frightened by the similarities. The 2.5yr relationship lasted about 2yrs too long. We met on myspace through a mutual friend when he was in D.C. and I was in L.A. We had an online romance that turned into emails, phone calls and then visits. Cut to 6 mo. later when we…get ready for it…moved to Las Vegas. Las Vegas. One of the hottest places in North America…the desert! He was originally from Las Vegas. So, he was moving home and I was moving to a hot ass place with no friends. Lovely. But, who cares? I was in love and clearly blind. Stevie Wonder could have told me it was a bad idea. But, I never heard from him, so I ended up moving anyway.
Things moved pretty quickly during the relationship, primarily because he was the one pushing for these things. We moved across the country to be together AND live together within six months. Four months later, I found myself signing loan documents for a brand new house that was just built in a nice gated community in Northwest Las Vegas. We watched the house actually being built. We were very excited. So, in less than a year’s time…I had a new boyfriend, moved out of state, new job, new car(oh, did I mention we bought two mini coopers?) and two sphynx cats. I’m not sure if you’d call it being domesticated or being engulfed in flames?
Through all of these major life changing events, I had lots of red flags from the beginning, telling me things like, ”Hey, idiot! What the hell are you doing??”, and “You fucking asshole is NOT a term of endearment”. But, for some reason, I still felt like I needed a change. Believe me, I got one. From the beginning until up to the very end, the relationship was basically this:
- Him having all these ideas, and him not following through. Which usually included me paying for them. I still am on a couple.
- Me being riddled with anxiety because I was always being put down on every idea and thought I had. But, believed that because he loved me, it was okay…which put me into emotional tailspins. I was basically a walking infomercial for Xanax.
- I loved him, and I do believe he really loved me. But, he was young (25) at the time and the sociopath thing REALLY got in the way. As hard as we tried, we just didn’t work. He was oil, I was water.
- Everything looked pretty from the outside to others, but it was really a hot ass mess!
A little over 2yrs in, I just really got tired of trying, and tired of not being myself. Not really being yourself for 2yrs is a LONG time. We finally split up in May of 2010, but we ended up living together for another month until he found a place and got everything in order. LONGEST month of my life. Jesus! When I get stressed out, I like to keep busy to take my mind off of my problems. To endure my month of hell, I picked up extra hours at work. I also thought to myself, “Why don’t I set a 30 day challenge for my self. Thirty consecutive days of yoga. That’ll keep me busy and I hear yoga is supposed to be good for the mind too.” So, that’s what I did. I was a member of a gym so I bounced around all of the 24hr fitness yoga classes. Ya know, so I could make sure that I met my goal. I never thought I’d be doing yoga during my 30 days of hopeful clarity. But, I’m really glad I did. I figured I had hit rock bottom emotionally and something good HAD to come out of this. It couldn’t get any worse.
So, I was doing “Gym Yoga”. Gym Yoga. As I look back on it now, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great by any means. At least not to me. It was as if all the teachers were really substitutes like you had in high school. They knew what the cirriculum was, but didn’t really know how to teach it. Some were okay, and others were aweful. I think I actually got up and left during the middle of a class one time. But, I still pushed through these classes, determined to achieve my goal.
It was about a week or so into my yoga bender when I met a woman who basically put a smile back on my face. Because her classes were actually fun and great workout. I’d never done Warrior 2 while listening to AC/DC in my life, nor had I heard of such a weird thing. But, there I was. She gave me my self confidence back, made me feel cared about, and feel important again. Seeing as though I had not felt those things in such a long time, I wasn’t about to stray too far. I stuck to her like a tight shirt on a sweaty farm hand! This 5’4″ blond, bubbly firecracker, almost single handedly pulled my sad ass out of the dirt and helped me be…me again. She will ALWAYS be “my teacher” and I will always be “her student”.
She came into my life EXACTLY when I needed it. For me, I looked at her as a mentor and an inspiration.
But, to her…it was just Karen being Karen.